Thai Drug Lord
“Alexis: "Okay, my turn. My turn, my turn. Um... Okay. My eyes are brown. I am basically sample-size, and one time I escaped from a Thai drug lo...”
Things Alexis Says
A collection of the wildest, most unbelievable micro-adventures from everyone’s favourite Schitt’s Creek socialite.
Explore the Quotes ↓Alexis Says…
Affair with Saudi Prince
“Alexis: So, this is weird. Um, today marks the longest relationship that I've ever voluntarily had with someone.”
Somali Pirates
“Alexis: Oh, my God, ever since David left, you two have been so dramatic. Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Ge...”
The FBI
“David: Okay, nobody freaked out when Alexis went missing.”
Alexis Skills
“Alexis: Anyway, I have lots of skills that you don't have.”
Advice with Duct Tape
“Alexis: Oh, and in case you wake up in a chair with your hands duct taped together, you can snap the duct tape by just raising your hands over your...”
The Check Point
“Alexis: It's just a check point, okay? I've been through tons of these in Johannesburg, um it's like a drive-through except everybody has a gun.”
Edible Nail Polish from Guangzhou
“David: So, are you nervous? This is like the first job you've ever had.”
The Sultan’s Nephew
“Alexis: Okay, so if there's one thing I learned, is that when it comes to love, you cannot let the little things get in your way. Like I once date...”
South Korean Secret Police
“Alexis: Okay, I just really think you should stay out of it, David. You're not good under pressure.”
Prince Harry
“Alexis: I know we just met, but if Prince Harry trusted me with his life, then I think you can too.”
Licensed in 7 Countries
“Alexis: I don't know why you didn't ask me first, David. I have my license in seven different countries, and I have my "F" Class.”
Confident International Men
“Alexis: How was your tester guy, was he a monster?”
Casually Dating Prince Harry
“Alexis: My friends used to call me Marie, and that was mainly because I was casually seeing Prince Harry, so there was a whole like, is she gonna b...”
Resto-Lounge
“Alexis: It reminds me of when I was in Bangkok. There was this amazing little Resto-Lounge that specialized in Tahitian food, and scalp massages.”
Ugandan Diamond Smuggler
“Miguel: Um, how did you get so good at this?”
Christmas Cookies & Kraków
“Alexis: What have we here?”
Escaping the Yakuza
“Alexis: Look at you all dressed up, Mr. Sporty Spice.”
Pizza Delivery for Jared Leto
“Alexis: Okay, my turn. [clears throat]”
Original Pussycat Doll
“Twyla: This is so exciting! I've never been in a musical before. Although I did have a cousin who was in Riverdance until she got trampled.”
“That’s Hot” in Cantonese
“Johnny: Oh, look at David. Smart enough to get that joke, but not smart enough to stop wearing sweaters in the middle of summer.”
Suitcase Between Laos and Vietnam
“Patrick: Are you sure you don't want any help with that?”